In sex therapy, one of the first topics that surprises many people is lube—short for lubrication. It might seem like a small detail, something you pick up at a drugstore or forget in a drawer. But in reality, lube can profoundly change how people experience intimacy, connection, and comfort during sexual activity.
The Role of Lube in Sexual Health
Lube plays a vital role in physical and emotional intimacy. It reduces friction, minimizes irritation, and enhances pleasure by helping the body move with ease. Beyond the physical, using lube also normalizes the idea that sexual health is body health—something that changes over time and with life experiences.
Here are a few of the most common reasons we explore lube use in therapy:
Managing vaginal dryness related to menopause, medication, hormonal changes, or stress
Easing anxiety or pain during penetration or touch
Supporting exploration with sex toys or during anal play
Enhancing sexual satisfaction for individuals and couples of all genders
Improving safety and comfort with condoms and barriers
Whether you’re in a new relationship, rekindling intimacy, or managing changes in your body, introducing lube can make sexual activity feel more relaxed and connected.
The Emotional Side: What Lube Represents
Conversations about lube often open the door to larger topics in therapy—permission, body acceptance, and communication. Many people grow up with messages that sex “should just work,” or that pleasure should come naturally without any adjustments. When that expectation doesn’t match reality, discomfort or shame can follow.
But lube challenges that belief. It sends a clear message: Your comfort matters. Using lube isn’t a sign that something is wrong—it’s a sign of attentiveness, self-awareness, and care for your partner and your body.
In sex therapy, these discussions often help clients:
Release feelings of embarrassment about needing or wanting lube
Shift from “pushing through pain” to “prioritizing comfort”
Build or rebuild trust and playfulness in physical intimacy
Reconnect with sensations and bodily awareness
Understanding the Different Types of Lube
Choosing a lube can feel confusing at first—there are so many options! Understanding what makes each type unique helps you (or you and your partner) find what fits your needs best.
1. Water-Based Lubricants
These are the most versatile and widely used. They mimic natural lubrication and feel light and natural. Water-based lubes are safe to use with condoms and most toys. The main drawback is that they may dry out faster and need reapplication, especially during longer sessions. Look for formulas without glycerin or parabens if you have sensitive skin.
2. Silicone-Based Lubricants
Silicone lubes are smooth, long-lasting, and hypoallergenic. They’re an excellent choice for people who experience chronic dryness or prefer less frequent reapplication. They won’t wash off in water, making them ideal for shower or bath play. However, avoid using them with silicone sex toys, as they can degrade the material.
3. Oil-Based Lubricants
These include both natural options (like coconut oil) and synthetic blends. They provide rich, lasting moisture but are not compatible with latex condoms. Oil-based lubes also take longer to clean and can stain fabrics, but some people love their texture and nourishing feel.
4. Hybrid Lubricants
Combining water and silicone bases, hybrids offer the best of both worlds—easy cleanup, longer-lasting glide, and a smooth texture. They’re safe for most condoms and toys and ideal for people exploring longer sessions or diverse types of play.
A helpful tip: Try a few! Just like you might test different skincare products or fragrances, sampling various lubes can help you discover what feels best for your body.
If you’re interested in trying products that support arousal, connection, and comfort, you might explore sexual wellness items from Foria Wellness. Their intimacy‑focused line includes lubricants, arousal oils, and curated sets designed to help you and your partner explore pleasure in a relaxed, low pressure way. When you shop through Foria Wellness, you can use the offer code BRITTANYS20 for a 20% discount on your order.
Talking About Lube With Your Partner
For many couples, bringing up lube can feel awkward at first. You might worry it’ll be interpreted as criticism or suggest something isn’t “working.” But in reality, it’s an act of collaboration.
Consider saying things like:
“I think lube could make things more comfortable and fun for both of us.”
“I’d love to try lube to help my body relax more.”
“What kind of lube do you think we should try?”
This small conversation can lead to greater emotional safety, communication, and curiosity in your sexual connection. In therapy, we often explore how such discussions can deepen trust and mutual understanding beyond physical intimacy.
When to Bring It Up in Therapy
If dryness, discomfort, or pain during sex feels emotionally charged—or if you’re not sure why it’s happening—therapy can be a safe place to unpack that. Sometimes the root is physical (like hormonal changes or medications), but often, it’s a mix of physical and emotional factors: anxiety, shame, stress, or past trauma.
A sex therapist or couples therapist can help you explore:
How tension, trauma, or relationship dynamics may affect arousal and comfort
How to communicate needs and limits without shame
Tools beyond lube (like mindfulness, pacing, or somatic awareness) for fuller sexual well-being
Pain during sex is never something you should ignore or endure. You deserve a comfortable, affirming sexual experience that honors your body and your emotional world.
Ready to Talk About Sexual Wellness?
If you’d like guidance on improving comfort and pleasure in your sex life, our team of sex therapists at Steffen Counseling Services can help. We offer compassionate, evidence-based support to help individuals and couples strengthen communication, explore body awareness, and rediscover intimacy without shame.
Reach out today to schedule a consultation or learn more about our sex therapy services in the Seattle area.